Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that? I have 2 stories to share.
My own early life experience gave me a deep sensitivity to children who are misunderstood and labeled.
Story #1: I was called into a center because a 3-year-old boy was proving to be a handful for the staff. When I observed him, it was clear he was receiving a lot of attention—but only for negative behavior. His name was constantly being called out in front of everyone, which only escalated things. I made two suggestions:
Only say his name out loud using what I call observational attention.
When correcting behavior, approach him quietly and redirect him, rather than shaming him in front of the group.
Observational attention means acknowledging a child in a neutral, non-judgmental way—filling their emotional bucket without requiring them to “earn” it. It might sound like, “I see [child’s name] building with blocks,” or “I see [child’s name] balancing on the edge of the sandbox.” When the staff began doing this, his little face lit up. He was finally being seen—not for being “good,” but just for being himself. These two small strategies completely turned things around—not just for him, but for all the children in the class. It was a big win.
The lesson learned: When you look for the best in a child, you help bring out their best. And that shift is incredibly rewarding to witness.
Story #2: I was called into a childcare center where the staff had labeled a child as “aggressive,” and the other parents were pushing for his removal. He was just three years old. During my observation, I noticed staff sitting close to him, shielding him from the other children. Then another child walked in, smiled, went over to the “aggressive” child, and gave him a little punch in the arm—both boys smiling. The child who initiated the punch was immediately reprimanded, and both smiles disappeared. I asked, “Does our little guy speak, because I haven’t heard any words from him?” The staff replied, “No, not really.” I said, “That would be a reason to call me in. If a three-year-old isn’t speaking, that’s significant. What you’re calling aggression is more like ‘dogs at the dog park.’ He’s trying to play.” The child’s lack of speech was making it difficult for him to connect. The constant labeling and negative responses only reinforced his behavior. I asked the staff to reframe his actions as they would for an ESL child who is learning to communicate in a new language.
The lesson learned: Negative or anti-social behaviour is a way of communicating a need not being met. Figure out the need without judgment.
Bethelene Hart/Parenting Coach Registered ECE Collaborative Practice